I Can Admit I'm Afraid, But I Get Choose What I Do Next

The virus has stirred us awake, no longer allowing us to live on autopilot. Before coronavirus, many of us slept walked through life – each day looking similar to the day before. But now we are reminded that tomorrow isn’t promised and we feel fear and maybe a bit of panic too.  

The question is what do we do with that fear. Do we allow ourselves to sit in it? Or do we distract ourselves to the point of numbing? I get it. That’s one of my coping mechanisms too. The problem is eventually we can’t escape it.  What we resist persists – it’s the law of the universe.  So if you’re afraid, try admitting it. I am afraid. Sit in it and see what comes up even if it’s uncomfortable.  I did that this morning, and then realized I needed to journal about it, needing the space of the page to see what was really going on. 

So here’s what I learned: Even though I lost my child when he was nine years old, I have become complacent.  None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, but I often live as if I’m promised it, pushing things off that I don’t feel strong enough, good enough, ready enough to do today.  

Maybe those of us who are scared are the lucky ones because we are waking up. We are reminded that each moment is a gift and we now get to choose to live it more fully.  I can admit I’m scared, but I get to choose what I do next.  I get to tell the people in my life that I love them and why I appreciate them. I get to have those vulnerable conversations, things I usually put off thinking another day will be better. I get to discover and learn and breathe because, in this moment, I am here.  

What do you get to do?

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What I learned from having a son on chemotherapy that can be applied to fear around the Coronavirus

            There is a lot of anxiety right now about what might happen. But we never know what tomorrow might bring.  My oldest son, Christopher, was on chemotherapy from ages three to five and again when he was eight and nine. I didn’t know if he would live or die and often I stressed about it.  

            But all that worry did was move me away from him. Every time I got wrapped up in ‘what ifs’ I mentally and emotionally left him, even though he was right in front of me, and doing well. I thought I’d be more prepared or could control things better by thinking about the worst-case scenario over and over again, but it only made me emotionally unavailable, rattled my nerves, and overworked my adrenal system.  

            Tomorrow is always a mystery, but all that panic and worry do is ruin today.  You might say, but I can’t help it. I get it. I’d had anxiety since I was a little girl. But I had to find a way to get control of it because I wanted to enjoy my children. Regardless of what might’ve happened in the future they wouldn’t be children forever.  

            

So here are my tips to help transcend fear:

1. Stay very close to the present moment. Children do it – that’s why they have so much joy and laughter. There is nothing we can do to change the past – trust me I’ve tried. And we have no control over our future, but in the present moment we can live, breath, love and create. 
2. To stay present, be mindful of what you are doing – feel the sun and wind on your face if you are outside. If you are eating notice the taste, texture and heat or chill of the food.  
3. Pray whether it be to God or the Universe. This life is hard and it’s even harder when we try to do it all on our own. Ask for support and guidance. 
4. Notice your breathing. Often we hold our breath when we are anxious. Take long deep inhales and exhales. 
5. Get up and move. Even if you are afraid still do things. 
6. Do something for someone else. When we are in service to others we take the focus off our worries.  
7. Find gratitude and keep a gratitude journal. Studies show that when you write down what you are grateful for, you place the focus on the positive and feel better. 

                        - Suzanne Andora Barron is working on her first book, a memoir entitled ‘Rising Above Fear in the Face of Death.’  

She is a yoga instructor (RYT) and a certified Jin Shin Jyutsu (JSJCP) practitioner